Scott and The Squirkle

- One foot, buster! Just one...

- Oh yeah? You think I'm scared of you! This is MY house and  I'm not gonna step over your silly line.

- I dare ya! 

- Ha!

- I DOUBLE dare ya!

- Double ha. Leave me alone. I'm planting bulbs.

(sniff, grumble, snort, fume)

- Oh yeah?? Well... I DOUBLE DOG dare ya!

- How DARE you, rodent!

__________________________________________________________________________________

- What's that smell??

- Dunno, lemme get a whiff...  OMG!! (gag, sputter...)

- Yeah, that's what I tol' ya!

- Wait - it's the HOOMAN!

- Dead??

- Nah, just eating at the picnic table... wait a second!

- What??

- OMG - baked beans! HAZMAT ALERT!!

____________________________________________________________________________________________

- I'd like to check this book out, please.                                         

- The Big Book of Scots? Are you Scottish?

- Ha, not hardly! I'm planning a war!!

- With the Scots?

- There can be only one.

- There are lots of Scots.

- You're kidding, really?

- Sure! They wear kilts, and eat Haggis, and drink whiskey...

- He does??

- Huh?

- I have to go now, I'll come back for the book. I have to call the team together! 

- Oh, right - the Highland Games are coming up!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Your honor, in closing, the defendant planted his tulip bulbs 20 inches deep, he put poison pellets in his snack bags, he hid sticky paper on the garage roof, and he left laxative-infused nuts all over the backyard!

- And?

- He's stuck on the garage roof throwing up tulip bulbs while pooping all over my nest!

- I see.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

- Alert! Home base!

- Come in Away Team?

- We have gained entry. Repeat, we have gained entry!

- Way to go, Away Team! Any sign of the Hooman?

- Leftovers, Home base!! 

- Grab them, Away Team. 

- Roger, Home base!

- Then commence Project CHAOS (create horrific assault on Scot!!)

- Aye, aye, sir! (giggle)

__________________________________________________________________________

- So he poked me in the nose.

- Yeah?

- Then he poked me in the tummy

- Ouch!

- Then he wiggled my arm, and pulled my tail!

- Holy nuts, why?
- Dunno. He just kept yelling about a _)#*%&# laptop not working. And he needs his he-male. 

- (snort)

    

__________________________________________________________________________________

- De fence, he says! Ha.

- Whaddya mean?

- He said he was going on De Fence.

- Yeah?

- I said, what fence? DE fence, he says. 

And he's gettin' mad. Y'know how he does. (Snicker)

- So what about da fence?

- I dunno, I can climb it and get his bulbs anyway.

Scott: Turned on the Electricity. HaHA!

I Roundhouse kicked the electri-city all the way to Chuck Norris!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, the hooman chased me...
..and he couldn't really keep up with me!

Why not just climb a tree?

That'd be too easy. So, I ran under a bench...

Yeah?

And he jumped over it.

Yeah?

And I ran along a fence...

Yeah?

And he opened the gate so I hadda jump

Yeah?

And I ran along a tree branch over a pond...

Yeah?

And he ran on it, too...

Yeah, yeah?

And then I ran UNDER it!

YEAH!

_____________________________________________________________________

Psst... where are you? I'm right under his window... about to deploy Operation Hooman!

QUIET! I'm hiding here under the bed!

What the heck are you doing there??

Waiting for him to fall asleep, dummy!

I thought you needed help finding the fool? If he's right there, why do you need help!?

Food. I need help finding the FOOD!
Roger that. I'll be in the kitchen. Waiting for you. Heh-heh.

WHAT? Wait... hey! HEY! 

(Snore....)

---------------------------------------------------

You know that guy who hates squirkles?
Yeah... he's a meanie!
Yeah, but I got the key to his car!!

Hee. Heeheehee....

-----------------------------------

Hooman: I'm here, over
Squirkle: I've got a warning, over

Hooman: Oh yeah? What? Over.

Squirkle: All your foods are belong to ME! Over. And out.

Hooman: No you get out! Over.

(Ominous silence.)

Over.

------------------------------------

Get thee gone, hooman!

----------------------

Mom, I don't feel so good...

What's wrong?

Well, I snuck in that guy's house...

I've told you not to do that! He's such a meanie!
Well, he had some POPCORN!

Did you eat any????
Just a little... and then I started sneezing and farting!
Oh, Junior! You must have Scotphylus! In bed with you. A week's quarantine...
Can I watch TV?

Ok... but stay under his bed while he's watching...

Ok mom!!

______________________________

The hooman did it again...

What? C'mon out of the pool...

I. Can't.

Whatsamatter?

That )(*&)(*&$^ hooman! He put vodka in the pool!

What, again?
That's ok. Wait'll he finds out what I put in his bathtub... (snort)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm bored...
Why?
The hooman...he's no challenge!
Whadya mean?
I mean he's not even trying! I do my best, I make noise, I eat his bulbs, I invade his space... I just EXIST!
Well, jeesh man, that oughta be enough for the Scott-Hooman!  How about if I help you!

(Slap-slap)

Team! Squirkle!

--------------------------------------------------------------

WARRRRR!

We've got the Viking Raiders?
Yessir.

The Irish Rovers?
Aye, sir.

The Scots Brigade?
I ken, sir.

Um, sir..

Yes?

I think they just got into the Clairol's.

The redheads?

Um, yeah..

Never mind, war's off.